I quickly learned that the "event" in the courtroom from earlier that day, was simply the thin cover for her frantic phone call. She had bigger problems. We told her to meet us for a hot drink. Coffee shops on cold days (yes, it is already getting colder here!) have that affect; they bring out conversation, honesty, and in this case tears. Tears from the last person I expected to ever see tears.
On first impression alone, my friend Amy could easily be seen as intimidating. She has earned great respect on the streets and has experienced things that I can't even imagine. She amazes all of us. She has, on more than one occasion, stepped in between me and a potential threat. And I have no problem with that. So, when she began to cry, I was surprised.
She cried and told me and my co-workers, Matt and Reb, that she is terrified of being alone, yet she is finding herself in that position more and more. She told us, "Guys, I'm so scared of the dark.". She doesn't know how to escape this life on the streets. Though she has made great strides in recent years including successfully completing probation, finding jobs, obtaining a small apartment, depending less and less on alcohol, and so much more, she feels trapped. "Kids know where I live, and no matter how hard I try to tell them to stay away, they keep coming around. I can't get away from it."
My heart broke. Here was a girl who wanted out of "the game". A girl who wasn't supposed to be scared of anything. Nothing scares Amy. She fights, and brawls, and drinks, and protects. She can't be scared of the dark. Oh, how many times do I have to re-learn not to judge a book by its cover, as the worn out phrase goes? How many times do I have to learn that my friends on the streets, my friends in all walks of life, have beautiful and often-times broken hearts that are hidden by layers and layers of pain and lies?
I feel so honored to have seen this side of my friend. I listened to her cry, listened to her honesty about loneliness, listened to her descriptions and expectations and assumptions about men form her experience of mistreatment. She was so transparent.
Why can't I be more like her; honest and open and real?
I suddenly realized that I may as well have been speaking with a frightened 10 year-old girl who felt all alone in a dark alley. I saw Jesus in her that day. I saw Jesus' gentle nature and His own humanness. I had the chance to speak value into her and tell her that she deserves so much better than the treatment she received in the past that has caused her so much pain and fear. I got to tell her how much she is worth. I told her that we were always available to her when she was lonely. I even invited her to our Bible study, and saw apprehension, relief, confusion, hope, and nervousness cross her face in an instant, all at the same time.
God is so good. He is subtle in His pursuit of hearts, and getting to glimpse the beautiful chase makes me wonder all the more at the Jesus we serve and follow.
Do you know anyone who is scared of the dark?
